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And we tried tried tried, but we try too hard

As vezes eu me pergunto se um dia eu vou olhar pra você, sem dor. Se um dia tudo vai ficar apenas normal. Se vai voltar a fazer parte da minha realidade, como um dia fez, e voltar a me telefonar, perguntando sobre meus sentimentos e me dizendo tudo que eu precisava ouvir. 

Espero pelo dia em que voltaremos a passar tardes juntas e tirar fotos, como sempre fazíamos. Tudo era tão real pra mim. Hoje não te reconheço mais, já não sei mais o que se passa em seus pensamentos, já nem consigo mais te decifrar. Me dói te ver assim, como a estranha e incógnita que era antes de eu te conhecer.

Mas só eu sei o quanto meu amor é imenso e o quanto ainda tenho medo de te perder. É simplesmente… Agonizante pensar. Não vou deixar ninguém levar de mim as memórias que tenho de ti, pois é tudo que me sobrou. Continuo rezando todos os dias, para que Deus te ilumine como quer que esteja vivendo, e para que não te deixe se esquecer de mim. Eu te amo inexpressavelmente.

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getstooobsessed:

“Mommy, they are just like me.” 

My oldest son is six years old and in love for the first time.  He is in love with Blaine from Glee. 

For those who don’t know Blaine is a boy…a gay boy, the boyfriend of one of the main characters, Kurt.

This isn’t a ‘he thinks Blaine is really cool’ kind of love.  It is a mooning at a picture of Blaine’s face for a half hour followed by a wistful “He’s so pretty” kind of love.

He loves the episode where two boys kiss.  My son will call people in from other parts of the house to make sure they don’t miss his ‘favorite part.’  He’s been known to rewind it and watch it over again…and force other to, as well, if he doesn’t think people have been paying enough attention.

This infatuation doesn’t bother me or his father.  We live in a very hip-liberal neighborhood, many of our friends are gay, and idea of having a gay son isn’t something that bothers either of us.  Our son is going to be who he is, and it is our job to love him.  End of story.

He is also six.  Six year olds get obsessed with all kinds of things.  This might not mean anything at all.  We always joke that he’s either gay, or we have the best blackmail material in the history of mankind when he’s a 16 year old straight boy. (Take that naked bath time pictures!)

Then the other day we were traveling across the state listening to the Warblers album (of course), and in the middle of Candles, my son pipes up from the back seat.

“Mommy, Kurt and Blaine are boyfriends.”

“Yes, they are,” I affirm.

“They don’t like kissing girls.  They just kiss boys.”

“That’s true.”

“Mommy, they are just like me.”

“That’s great, baby.  You know I love you no matter what?”

“I know…” I could hear him rolling his eyes at me.

When we got home I recapped this conversation to his Dad, and we stood simply looking into each other’s eyes for a moment.  Then we smiled.

“So if at 16 he wants to make a big announcement at the dinner table, we can say ‘You told us when you were six.  Pass the carrots’ and he’ll be disappointed we stole his big dramatic moment,” my husband says with a laugh and hugs me.

Only time will tell if my son is gay, but if he is I am glad he’s mine.  I am glad he has been born into our family.  A family full of people who will love and accept him.  People who will never want him to change.  With parents who will look forward to dancing at his wedding.

And I have to admit, Blaine would be a really cute son-in-law.